<p style=”text-align: center;”><em>“Honest criticism is hard to take,
particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger.”</em>
~ Franklin P. Jones</p>
<p style=”text-align: center;”></p>

Does it bother you when someone says something negative about your work, your appearance, your words? Even when you’ve asked for constructive criticism -<em> invited</em> it?!?! What about disapproval; the silent criticism. It can be a look, a gesture, an awkward silence following a question. Does criticism bother <em>you?</em>

I’m working on the manuscript of my first book. Nineteen people have agreed to read it and give me feedback. I want feedback but when the comments are negative, I am like a child who wants to run and hide. Instead, I hide <em>how I feel </em>and wade through a myriad of awful feelings wondering how the criticism can sting <em>that much! </em>

I pick up the phone and call a friend, you know the friend; the one with whom you solve all the problems of the world during each visit or phone call? <em>Don’t you see</em>, she says, <em>this is what I was going through yesterday</em>. I see it now. Yesterday she had called me to discuss something that was bothering her and I had been her sounding board. Now she returns the advice I gave her, polished with experience and <em>organized.</em> This, she says, is how she deals with criticism.

1) Telephone or visit a good friend. Pour it all out so you can be heard, feel understood, and be validated.

2) Ground yourself in who you are and what your intentions are. You’ve heard one opinion; what’s yours? It feels bad and you’re upset so it’s hard to see the issue clearly but who says this opinion is 100% accurate? What parts are valid and what parts can you discard? What parts can instruct?

3) Remind yourself that in time you will benefit from the criticism. You will be stronger, better, faster (yes- like superman!)

Can you go directly from the criticism to the last step <em>without going through the bad feelings</em>, I ask. She doesn’t believe it’s possible. The bad feelings force you to pay attention to what’s going on, she says. Without them we wouldn’t “get it”; we’d miss the opportunity for growth the situation offers.

How do you deal with criticism in your life? Do you believe you can get the benefits without the sting?
<p style=”text-align: right;”><em>photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/pasukaru76/”>Pasukaru76</a></em></p>

“How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterward.” ~ Spanish Proverb

I’ve been meaning to write this article for a long time but I kept putting it off. If you didn’t laugh just then, you’re reading this way too early in the day! Seriously though, are you acquainted with a pesky little thing called procrastination? No matter what stage of life we are in or what we do for a living, there are always things we like to do and things we don’t like to do so much; things that need to be done. Today with Facebook and Twitter and Email as close as our cell phone or iPod and with messaging and texting just as close, opportunities for procrastinating abound. We’re focused on our goals, we’ve written them on our bathroom mirrors but we are too easily distracted from the work involved in achieving them. I’ve found a method of dealing with procrastination in my life in the way I approach my schedule. When I have many things on my list and among them are things I don’t enjoy, I do the worst things first. Ian Newby-Clark outlines the concept of doing the “worst things first” in this article. It’s a way to delay gratification, something I learned from one of my favourite authors, M Scott Peck MD. In his book, The Road Less Travelled Peck identifies “delaying gratification” as a characteristic of an emotionally mature person. As children we eat the frosting first and then the cake; as adults we [should have learned to] eat the cake first and save the frosting-part to enjoy last. We make the choice to get the less pleasant work out of the way first to make way for the things we like to do. It does beg the question, however; isn’t it fun to eat the frosting first some time? Procrastinating wouldn’t be such a temptation if it weren’t fun. What do you think? Is there some value in procrastinating or none at all? Do you procrastinate?

photo credit: Ed Yourden

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